Government Officials Finally Accepting Disease As Major Problem.

The government finally caved today under public pressure, and admitted the disease spreading throughout the country is now becoming a major problem. One minister was quoted as saying “There’s no denying it anymore there are some really sick individuals in this country”. another minister said, “these sick people are a plague upon our land”.

When Minister for Health Simon Harris was asked about the spread of the virus he said it would be against European law to close the borders down and we must allow free movement of people throughout Europe. Up until today, the official government stance was that the smartest thing we can do now is do nothing. We can not learn from other countries’ mistakes, no matter how many countries experience the same problems over and over again. It is our unquestionable blind duty to the European Union that guarantees we will repeat them here in Ireland.

When asked about the cost of all this the government said that finance played a key role in every decision made, as the European Union is controlled by the IMF and they have reassured Ireland that they must give up their sovereignty, constitution, and all-natural resources or the money supply will be cut off. Financially this would be devastating for Ireland as we need to keep borrowing money to pay back the interest on the money we already borrowed, or they won’t lend us any more money in the future. If we were to let this happen it would have a catastrophic effect on the rest of Europe as they would not be able to load their debt into our banks.

When asked about the human cost the government responded by laughing. One minister said, “It’s good that we can have a joke about these things, but people need to remember that bankers and investors are real people with real feelings and that the suffering of millions of people is nothing compared to an upset balance sheet”.

There seems to be no stopping the COVID-19 virus spreading across Europe, with an outbreak now being reported in Lesvos in Greece. It is highly likely that it will be forced into the rest of the Mediterranean from there. Italy is now in full lockdown, while simultaneously trying to imprison former Deputy Prime Minister Matteo Salvini for wanting to close the borders last year. Germany has released a report stating that it expected 67.0421% of the population to have the virus, but say they are putting a special task force together to come up with a more accurate figure. Belgium has decided to close down all its mosques leaving the indigenous population disappointed that they will have nowhere to go on Fridays.

Meanwhile back in Ireland, cometh the hour, cometh the man, our fearless leader who was reelected back into government on a fifth voting count, will be returning to our shores swiftly after cutting his American holiday short. Let’s hope he comes up with a better plan than Brian Cowen did just before he retired as Taoiseach.

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